Lazyboy Afternoons vs Rat Races

 

As I sit in my Lazyboy nursing my baby girl on a weekday afternoon, I am reminded of the best decision I have made for my family thus far. A couple of months ago, I decided to let go of my corporate job to allow me more time with my family. It was a prolonged decision making process, mostly because of the many fears and apprehensions I had. I had worked so hard to get to where I was - 4 years of Computer Science, years of overtime, travelling alone, deadlines, timelines, training... all to just let it go at a time when I was actually starting to enjoy my position. I was more than contented with my financial independence and afraid of the lifestyle change I had to make to adjust to a lesser spending capacity. I was happy with the professional relationships I had made, even so that I had come to regard many as friends, afraid to lose myself together with my job.

But today, as I sit in my Lazyboy on a weekday afternoon, watching my baby girl nurse and look at me with adoring eyes, I am reassured that I made the right choice. There was a time in my life when studying and working hard made sense, when it was the right thing to do -- but now is not that time anymore. Now is time for new priorities. Now is the time to watch my daughter grow, to be there for her when she needs me -- whether it be to find comfort in nursing today or to confide in later on in her life. My mother always told me, if you want your children to open up to you when they are older, you must make the time to talk to them today. If you were not there when they wanted to talk about their best friend in nursery class, or the time when they fell off the playground, or the time when they wondered about that thing they saw on TV, then what makes you think they will open up to you about that cute boy in class or that crazy party they went to? What makes you think they will talk to you about the man they may marry or the job they want to take?

I wonder why I was so scared to lose my independence. Am I truly independent being tied down to a 9 to 5, or rather an 8 to 7 pm and some weekends included? I wonder why I was scared to lose myself. Am I really that I.T. career woman or a wife and mother? Today I am able to spend most of my days relaxed, enjoying my family and taking care of our home. The time I spend with my husband and daughter are no longer rushed or squeezed into my overly tight schedule. I am able to spend hours chatting with my husband unearthing our deepest darkest secrets. I am able to nurse my daughter whenever she needs it and learn what makes her coo and smile and laugh. Somedays when I am lucky, I am even able to visit the parlor, paint my nails, and get that regular exercise I have been promising myself for years. On top of that, I am able to pursue my own business doing something I truly enjoy.

As a friend of mine told me, I am glad to have found the courage to get out of the rat race that doesn't lead to any meaningful destination anyway. Now that I am here, I cant imagine myself any happier.

Carbon Copy

When I was pregnant, Eyebrows and I used to constantly wonder how our little Lima Bean would look like. Would she have her Daddy's thick lips? Mommy's pointed nose? How about her hair, would it be curly or straight? Would she be tall and fair like us? That's why it was to our surprise to see her come out looking exactly like her Daddy! She got his chinky eyes, his light brown straight hair, his toes, she even got his birthmark exactly on the same spot in between her eyebrows! Most of the time when I look at my baby, I see my husband. On those occasions, I am mesmerized by how this lovely human being grew inside of me looking nothing like me. But more than that, I am reminded of how our daughter is a product of our love - a constant reminder that although she came from inside me, she is likewise completely my husband. Then there are those rare days when I see myself in her - her pouty lips, her wide forehead, her cute little chin. And I wonder how her face will evolve through the years. One thing is for sure though, that no matter who our Lima Bean resembles, she will always be the most beautiful baby in our eyes.

(photo: top - eyebrows. bottom - lima bean)

A Natural Birth

PRAISE AND THANKS BE TO GOD FOR A FAST, NATURAL AND SAFE DELIVERY. We labored for under 5 hours, with no epidural, and gave birth to a healthy baby girl.

I woke up to my husband getting ready to go to our friend's engagement party. Time check, approx 8am. I had been experiencing slight abdominal and back pains that night but that was nothing unusual. I attributed it to being exhausted from the baby shower the day before. Hubby went to take a shower and I lay back in bed to catch more Zzzs. Not long after, I heard a pop, similar to the sound of a bone being dislocated but coming from inside my belly. I got a bit worried thinking something had happened to Lima Bean. She let out a gentle kick as if to comfort me that she was ok. Then I felt the trickle... It was light at first, but as I stood from the bed it started to flow. I screamed to Vince... ITS TIME! MY BAG JUST BROKE! We started scrambling around in a calm panic, calling everyone that needed to be informed and getting our labor bag together. The contractions started to kick in but it felt very manageable. I was determined to feel fresh so I took a quick shower, put on light makeup (for the pictures! haha), then headed to the hospital.

By that time the contractions started to get stronger but still manageable. I had to stop what I was doing everytime a contraction would kick in just to keep my bearings. We got to the hospital and went through the whole standard hospital ops until I eventually found myself in the OB Gyn complex getting an IE. Time check, a bit passed 9am. True enough, my bag had broken. A quick IE showed that I was already 5-6cm dilated, 80% effaced. Baby was on +1 station though, still a bit high. I was in active labor. The pain was very tolerable at this point.  I was still able to talk cheerfully between each contraction. I stuck to my breathing and forgot about each contraction by the time it had passed. Then I was wheeled to the birthing room just as my mom arrived. There they strapped me to a monitor and put an IV of saline to keep me hydrated. Time check, probably around 10am. It was now all up to my body to do what God intended it to do. Eyebrows, Mom and I just waited for nature to take its course.

The contractions started to quickly get stronger to a point where I could no longer talk during a contraction but still smile and speak when the contraction was done. I remember thinking... this is EASY! The pain was there for sure, but nothing excruciating. Another IE showed I was a good 6cm dilated, but still +1 station.

Then things got a bit blurry from here. Time flew very fast.   I estimate it was around 11am when the OB and the pedia arrived. A quick IE showed I was 8cm but still +1 station. Baby had to start coming down now! The pain was worse, it was harder for me to smile for pictures (although I still did, hehe). In my mind I thought, this is not as bad as I imagined! I remembered everyone telling me the pain was going to be like none Ive ever felt... I thought, yeah its painful but its not THAT crazy!

Then like a train it hit me. Really quickly it went from manageable to crazy painful, then to I think Im losing it, to I think Im gonna die kind of pain!!!! YUP! It was like NO PAIN IVE EVER FELT. But I had gone so far! No way I was going to quit now! Plus I kept thinking, if I get an epidural the doc will ask me to hold still while he sticks a needle through my back? How am I supposed to hold still like this? So instead, I kept at it.  I visualized the pain with a purpose. I needed these crazy contractions to get our baby out. I kept a steady breathing pattern (or tried to at least) and whined like a cat with each breath. I listened to my mom's coaching telling me to get above the contraction, telling me that the contractions were good contractions, reminding me to relax and breathe.

I found comfort in the hand of my husband (that I gripped so tightly he thought it would break) and his voice telling me how many seconds I had left before the contraction would pass. Next thing I remember was my OB coming in to do another IE. I was 10cm, zero station (still high but better).

I remember feeling my baby's head grinding down below and knowing that it was time! Doc went to change to a sterile gown while the nurses set up the room to deliver that baby. I remember at that point the contractions started to get less crazy. When everything was ready, Doc said to try to push on the next contraction. With one push the baby's head started to become visible! A few pushes later though, our baby's heartbeat started to drop. That's when I sensed that the OB wanted to get that baby out. A resident doctor stood beside me, put 2 fists on my top belly, and with her whole weight started to push down on me! I felt like I was being massacred!!! Looking back, it was kind of crazy but during that time all I could think of was that we had to get that baby out fast!!! With each mash, I helped best I could by pushing as hard as I could - with or without a contraction. A few seconds later I felt the pressure let loose below and her head pop out. With that, our little Sophie greeted the world with a healthy cry. Time check, 12:48pm. Later on I found out that the drop in her heartbeat was caused by her cord wrapped around her neck... but just as expected, our Lima Bean was strong and healthy as can be. She was given a 9/10 apgar score! Welcome to the world Lima Bean!