As I sit in my Lazyboy nursing my baby girl on a weekday afternoon, I am reminded of the best decision I have made for my family thus far. A couple of months ago, I decided to let go of my corporate job to allow me more time with my family. It was a prolonged decision making process, mostly because of the many fears and apprehensions I had. I had worked so hard to get to where I was - 4 years of Computer Science, years of overtime, travelling alone, deadlines, timelines, training... all to just let it go at a time when I was actually starting to enjoy my position. I was more than contented with my financial independence and afraid of the lifestyle change I had to make to adjust to a lesser spending capacity. I was happy with the professional relationships I had made, even so that I had come to regard many as friends, afraid to lose myself together with my job.
But today, as I sit in my Lazyboy on a weekday afternoon, watching my baby girl nurse and look at me with adoring eyes, I am reassured that I made the right choice. There was a time in my life when studying and working hard made sense, when it was the right thing to do -- but now is not that time anymore. Now is time for new priorities. Now is the time to watch my daughter grow, to be there for her when she needs me -- whether it be to find comfort in nursing today or to confide in later on in her life. My mother always told me, if you want your children to open up to you when they are older, you must make the time to talk to them today. If you were not there when they wanted to talk about their best friend in nursery class, or the time when they fell off the playground, or the time when they wondered about that thing they saw on TV, then what makes you think they will open up to you about that cute boy in class or that crazy party they went to? What makes you think they will talk to you about the man they may marry or the job they want to take?
I wonder why I was so scared to lose my independence. Am I truly independent being tied down to a 9 to 5, or rather an 8 to 7 pm and some weekends included? I wonder why I was scared to lose myself. Am I really that I.T. career woman or a wife and mother? Today I am able to spend most of my days relaxed, enjoying my family and taking care of our home. The time I spend with my husband and daughter are no longer rushed or squeezed into my overly tight schedule. I am able to spend hours chatting with my husband unearthing our deepest darkest secrets. I am able to nurse my daughter whenever she needs it and learn what makes her coo and smile and laugh. Somedays when I am lucky, I am even able to visit the parlor, paint my nails, and get that regular exercise I have been promising myself for years. On top of that, I am able to pursue my own business doing something I truly enjoy.
As a friend of mine told me, I am glad to have found the courage to get out of the rat race that doesn't lead to any meaningful destination anyway. Now that I am here, I cant imagine myself any happier.
